? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
