You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
