Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize