..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
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our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
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I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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