If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
