so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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