dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
