Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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