i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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