i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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