I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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