so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
