You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
