The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
