One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I need help removing her.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
