i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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