Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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