Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i drank out of a bidet.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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