I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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