I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
