Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life