I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting