This girl is more easily done than said...
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?