I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.