WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Randomize
