felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Randomize
