It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
