I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Welp...herpes.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
