i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
