The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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