No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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