Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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