Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
