i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
