I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
