Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
