you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
My feet surprised me
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
