You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
