i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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