I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
