i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
