At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
