Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
