This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
