That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize
