Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
