you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Ladies don't puke and tell
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
