You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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