Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Randomize
