She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
