just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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