epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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