i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
