Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
