What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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