In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
