I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Green mimosas i think yes
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice