why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?