I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
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Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
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He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.