mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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