Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
