If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
