Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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