You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
