He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
