so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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