i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
