ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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