the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
