Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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