I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
