took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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