so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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