Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
