So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
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I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
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I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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