Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
