I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Randomize
