I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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