my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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